You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
