fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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