I think i peed on brittanys purse
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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