i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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