Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
