she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
