You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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