I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
