I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
