I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
