woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
