Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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