I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
