We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The power of my boobs compel you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
