And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
