It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
