ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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