I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
