You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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