My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
