ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize