My first STD was from a foam party
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
