Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
