some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
