yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
