How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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