Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found a bag of teeth...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
