no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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