Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
