Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize