____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
