I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
