He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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