You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
