Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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