i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
