Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
