y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
