Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
