you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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