I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
