Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need water and some morals
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
