I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
