He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
