so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
