you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I did not marry a roomba.
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