My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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