Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
