What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
