I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
