dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
