Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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