Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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