there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize