It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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