This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
