Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
