You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
