Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry about my life...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
