she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
