Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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