I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
