it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to align my fucking chakras
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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