Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
