genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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