i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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