I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
