He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
